And that was the end of the carry-the-dresser-upstairs-by-ourselves adventure. And I freely admit that I was the weak link in the scenario, and so I was the one who ended up calling the nice people at Broad Street Movers (our go-to moving company). They had dudes over within the hour and it took them... oh, I'd say all of 6 minutes to super-gently deposit the dresser where we wanted it to go.
And then I went out and bought a plant to be its friend and companion:

Oh, and summer weather = summer blanket. Yay!

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